he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
