Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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