I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
