He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
