turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize