So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize