the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he fucked my hip out of place.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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