you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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