oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i drank out of a bidet.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
