I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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