This is not my ceiling
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
