guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
