i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Randomize
