Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Damn victory sex feels great
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
