we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
