i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
