Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm way too hungover for life right now
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
