My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
