Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
