I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Damn victory sex feels great
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
