Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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