I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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