we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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