smell my finger.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
