Betty ford says i'm here all night
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
