The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
