You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
