I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
