dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize