sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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