I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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