Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
