I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
