Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
