Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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