I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
