Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I could make wine with my vomit
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
