I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
