WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
