He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
