i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
