Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
