Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
