Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
