I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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