Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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