are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
