the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
