if i can run in heels then i can drive
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
