um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
