i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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