Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
