The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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