I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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