i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
