see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
