she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you inspire me to be a worse person
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
