Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
