my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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