Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
