i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
