Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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